As we have seen by now, over and over and over again, that nothing with infertility can be planned. Or predicted. What is the plan one day is most certainly not the plan the next.
It’s a roller coaster ride that no one wants to be on, but we’re all willing to ride it because we know that the end result will be more than worth it.
Last time I updated I let you all in on my misery of OHSS. Praise God though, instead of my symptoms peaking and getting worse on Sunday/Monday like my nurse thought they would, they instead continued to decrease. Friday ended up being my worst day and my symptoms kept lessening over Saturday and Sunday. My belly started to go down, I was actually able to sleep, I was starting to feel a bit more myself.
My first fertilization report had said that 8 egg had fertilized normally. Happy Father’s Day to us- we got the call Sunday morning that said ALL 8 of our babies were still dividing normally! The embryologist did say that 3 were a bit ahead of the rest and that Monday would be the most critical day for them, but at that point in time ALL of them were still growing.
At this point, Jim and I started pondering if we could go ahead and move forward with the original plan of a 5 day transfer. I emailed my office Sunday night to let them know that I was feeling better-not 100%, but improved and that if there was any way we could move forward with a transfer, we would be open to that.
They called me first thing on Monday and recommended that we proceed with transfer that day. Like, a few hours from the time of the call. She said that my 3 embryos were ready to go, but that they were concerned they wouldn’t make it to freeze. So, while frozen cycles are typically better- in this specific instance they wanted us to move forward with fresh.
My nurse stressed to me though- “Courtney, you are not over your OHSS. If you do become pregnant, as the hcg rises, your OHSS will return and it will more than likely become worse. Do you understand this?” I understand it fully. And it’s terrifying. But, what choice do I have? If I don’t agree to transfer, 3 of my children may stop growing. I had no choice. I had to do what I could to save the few babies I had.
Now, since all of this was so sudden and so last minute, things were done quite a bit differently than they would have been for someone who was scheduled and planned out. Usually the embryologist calls you and tells you all about your embryos and you discuss with your Dr how many you will transfer and all sorts of things like that.
We didn’t have that.
We just showed up, ready to implant whatever they were willing to give us and hope that our 5 other babies that I hadn’t heard about yet were still doing okay and capable of being frozen.
Instead I had a bomb dropped on me.
“Courtney, we’re going to go ahead and transfer two “poor quality” embryos today. We’re going to see if the third will make it to freeze”.
I asked, “what about the five other embryos that were perfectly fine yesterday?”
“They stopped dividing”
I went from the high of knowing that all 8 of my babies were growing well one morning, to the next not even having 2 decent looking embryos to implant. And another that probably wouldn’t make it to freeze-(and I just found out this morning that it didn’t)
We have literally put all of our eggs into one basket. One basket that is still recovering from being sick. One basket that has worked so hard and fought for so long to be able to house my sweet babies. One basket that has given so much time. And money. And prayers. And all we can do now is hope and trust and pray that God continues to grow their little lives.
Today, I am trying to rest in the beauty and the gift of knowing that I have two little babies in my belly. We even got to see their pictures up on the monitor before they put them inside me!
They were so beautiful. I don’t care what “quality” you said they were Dr. Brabec. They are my children. And they are absolutely precious.
But, I don’t know how long I will get to keep them with me.
I go for bloodwork next week to find out for sure. That’s an appointment I’m not quite sure I’m ready for yet. I probably never will be.
We have finally reached the end of the IVF road. We don’t have to worry about tests, or injections, or transfers, or scheduled appointments anymore. It’s all done. What we are left with are the two little miracles inside me right now.
We ask and beg from those of you that have been following along our journey to just pray and pray and pray and petition for us and our babies.