I’m not pregnant.
Whew. Let’s just get that off the chest and right out there in the open.
I’m sorry that it has taken me a while to get this out on the blog, but I wanted something more substantial than “Hey. I got a negative test on Saturday and started my period on Easter.”
I know you all were rooting so badly for us on our last IUI cycle. I know you all were counting the days with me to test day. And, I’m confident when the weekend rolled around and there wasn’t an update you may have been excitedly scratching your heads wondering if I was waiting for a big appointment or time to make an awesome reveal.
*side note* if I actually do get pregnant, there is no way it will be a secret. Not even from day one. I’ve been way open and out there with everything so far, there’s NO way that is going to be a secret. *end side note*
I wasn’t. What I have been waiting for is our IVF calender.
I can’t even believe it myself. I can’t believe we’re here. I can’t believe this is what we’ll be doing. I’m a whole host of emotions. Excited. Nervous. Really, really nervous. Hopeful. Terrified of new procedures. Terrified of failing. Positive about our increased chances. Curious about how it will all happen. Preparing for disappointment. Trying to force myself to not think about it.
It’s a a lot. And when you throw in medicine that I already started on Tuesday, it’s A LOT a lot.
But, before I get to the specifics of what our April/May is going to look like, I wanted to take some time to explain a few different things. As I started writing all of this out, it turned into a massively huge post, so I’m going to turn this single post into a week long series with different post topics. Such as:
Part 1: Why we have decided to move forward with IVF
1a. Why not adoption or fostering
Part 2: What exactly is IVF?
Part 3: How Jim and I, as Christians and pro-lifers, can choose this treatment path.
And lastly, Part 4: My treatment plan
1. Why we have decided to move forward with IVF
Really, why not? I have a medically diagnosable issue. My AMH levels are low, my FSH levels are high. It means I have diminished ovarian reserve or poor quality eggs, possibly both. Either way, we need treatment to help us get pregnant.
If anyone has an illness that has been diagnosed, people would expect you to treat it to the best of your ability. If you had pneumonia, you wouldn’t go to the doctor for a diagnosis and then say, “Well, I’ll just keep trying to cure this “naturally” by sitting at home doing nothing” You would take antibiotics. If you broke your arm you wouldn’t say, “Well, the body has a natural way of healing itself. I don’t need a doctor to help me with this.” No! You would let a medical professional set the bone SO that the God-created process of healing could continue.
That’s what we are doing. We know it isn’t a guarantee that it will work. Sometimes, pneumonia gets worse and sometimes broken bones are never quite the same. But, here’s the deal. We feel that we have to try. And if we’re going to try, we need to try now. Time isn’t on our side. We know that there is always opportunity for a miracle to happen and for a non treatment cycle to result in a pregnancy. But statistically, even though I’m only 24 right now, the more time that passes, there is less and less of a possibility physically for one of my rare good eggs to find a good sperm.
At the same time, we FULLY understand and completely believe that God is the Author of ALL life – He designed us and He designed the process for us to make more of ourselves. IVF isn’t trying to “play God” as some mistakenly think. It is God that created flesh, it is God that created eggs and sperm, it is God that created how those two interact when they meet, and it is God that created how cells will divide and grow and develop and one day be born. Whether all of those steps happen in a uterus or in a test tube does not change the glory of his creation in any way – in fact it enhances it. One of the great evidences for creation is the fact that order exists and that we can see repeatable patterns. 1 + 1 always equals 2. When a sperm fertilizes an egg we get a child. When a broken bone is set it will heal. Technology doesn’t change these truths. When the antibiotics heal your pneumonia do you praise God any less? Absolutely not! When “modern technology” intervenes it is not stealing God’s glory – God created the order that our medicine relies on. God’s majestic creation is on full display in the very fact that IVF works. God is still the author of life for every single human and we are praying so very fervently that He authors on our behalf. We are praising His name and are eternally grateful for technology that exists now and that is available to us, to help us grow our family biologically.
An additional reason for pursuing IVF: The possibility of frozen embryos. To reduce the risk of a multiple pregnancy my Dr’s office will only transfer 1 or 2 embryos. So, what happens if more than that have fertilized? You can freeze them. That means that if we have a successful IVF #1(results in a pregnancy) and we are blessed(not likely, but holy cow would that be amazing) with frozen embryos, a year or two after delivery we can go back and transfer my 24 year old eggs! Wow! Instead of redoing an entire IVF or trying with 27ish year old eggs that have deteriorated even further, we can use the ones we get from this cycle.
1a. Why not choose fostering or adoption instead? Why IVF?
Fostering and adoption is a calling that has no basis on how many children you have(or don’t).
You can have 2 or 10 or 0 children. If God lays it on your heart to adopt/foster there is no escaping it.
It is your calling.
It currently is not our calling. We are praying fervently over it. We are attempting to be open to it. But, right now? We just aren’t. We have been praying and praying for God to grow our family. We want to be blessed with as many children as possible. But, for right now, God has called us to try and grow our family and trust Him this way. And we have a perfect peace about all of it.
I haven’t convinced myself that because I have peace about it that it means it will work.
What I do know is that when we are firmly committed to being in His will, blessing will come from it.
And that is right where we want to be.
Stop back by tomorrow for Part 2: What exactly is IVF? What all does it involve?