Cycle #20

Wow. It’s really hard to see the #2 at the beginning of that number. That’s only 4 short months away from 2 years of not successfully making a baby. Seeing that written out is hard. Really hard.
Yesterday was negative pregnancy test day. Confirmation of something I had already known for well over a week. Usually I have one “breakdown day” per cycle. Sometimes it happens the day my symptoms start, sometimes it happens shortly before the negative test. Yesterday, it happened the day of the test. It all dumped on me like a ton of bricks.
Yesterday was so tough. Oh so tough.
IUI #2 didn’t work. It failed. I failed. (blah blah blah, blame is pointless, blah blah blah. They’re my eggs. It’s my body. My body didn’t do what it should have)
On top of a negative pregnancy test, there was poor communication from my RE’s office and misunderstanding about what treatment to pursue next. When we should pursue it and if insurance will cover any of it. I had a Father of the Bride style freakout where I felt like proclaiming, “You and I could end up shuffling along the sidewalk in our bathrobes!!” I spent all day on and off the phone and emailing their office and trying to get a hold of insurance, and stressing, and crying.
I wept on the phone to my Mom. I wept on the phone to one of my BFF’s, Angie. I cried when the Starbuck’s guy told me “he’d never seen me look so serious before”. I cried when I read the sweetest most uplifting texts from my Pa and my good friends Heather(she offered to bring me a latte. BLESS HER), Lyndse, and Lauren.
I also cried that night when Jim and I finally decided on what course of action to take as far as treatment this month. I had been stressing and worrying all day about what to choose, if we should wait, what to do. And then, when we talked face to face all the worries lifted. A “peace that surpasses all understanding” completed enveloped me. We knew what decision to make and we made it with absolute confidence.
So with that, the plan for cycle #20 looks like this:
Start my Letrozole pills on Friday
Monitoring appointment at RE’s on 3/15 along with a consult with a new Dr.(my Dr. is leaving the practice) about our next treatment steps if IUI #3 w/ Letrozole doesn’t work.
Based off of that appointment I’ll know when to trigger and IUI #3 will happen sometime the following week, I guess. We’ll have to see.
I know so many of you are praying for me(us) and I can feel those prayers. I covet them and I so appreciate all of the support we are receiving. I don’t know why this is happening to us, I don’t know why we have to wait, if it will ever work, if I will ever know any of it. But, I can know and continually remind myself that God has a plan for our family. He has a plan for our future and for our health. That everything we are going through is for our good. And I’m so thankful that so many of you are willing to be a part of it, too.

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