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When Phone Calls Change Your Life

On this day one year ago, the heaviest and biggest phone call of my life arrived.
“Your pregnancy test came back positive. Unfortunately, because your level is so low and since you’re bleeding…..*long pause*….an embryo must have implanted and started releasing HCG, but then stopped. We need you to repeat your blood work to confirm your levels continue to go down and that you aren’t having an ectopic pregnancy.”
Boom
Most of us have had a call like this in our life.
“Your Dad is gone.”
“Your Brother was in a wreck.”
“There has been an accident.”
Boom
Earth Shattering
When I got my call, I called my mom first {a strange choice perhaps, but, it is what it is!} She couldn’t even understand my talking. But once she did, she told me to call my husband. He immediately came home from work and I sobbed into him for what seemed like forever.
Then I drove away to go paint a friends living room.
I sobbed the entire way there.
Get out of car. Paint. Laugh.
Get back in car. Sob the entire way home.
Cry myself to sleep.
Again
Again
Again
I think back to that living room and how unfeeling that must have seemed. How strange of a choice for me to make. But I realize now, that’s life. Calls come in, but time doesn’t stop. Life doesn’t. You just force yourself forward, or time does it for you. Either way, forward it goes.
Other women promised me, it won’t always hurt this bad. You’ll always love those babies, but one day, I promise, it won’t hurt this bad.
And I remember thinking, “how CALLOUS!” “how UNFEELING!” “How could you??”
But now? I realize. They were right.
That call won’t always hurt so bad. And you’ll go on painting living rooms and playing music at church and driving to play dates and go shopping.
And one day you’ll realize that the only way it was possible is because the greatest Healer there is lives in you and loves you and holds your heart in His hands.

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18 Comments

  1. You are such an encourager…amidst the pain and heartache of such a hard memory. You speak Truth and Life. Praise the Lord! What a perfect verse to cling to today and always. What a glorious God we serve. xx

  2. You have a way of writing that is so beautiful and powerful. I can truly feel the pain you experienced for which I am truly sorry. It's crazy how one little phone call can change your life so dramatically. Sending bigs hugs your way today!

  3. Oh girl the way this post is so universal and yet so uniquely yours is astounding. It's magical hearing the emotions of that phone call in such perfect words. And, I can't speak to losing a baby, but I can say that the pain of loss loses its sting over time… Not fast, not easy, but with His grace and love for our souls. 🙂

  4. Such an emotional post, thanks for sharing. I've had an ectopic pregnancy too, a little over a year ago, and it's so true that at the time it's hard to imagine moving past it, and nothing anyone says helps at all. But now I've got a healthy son and I truly feel that my life is exactly as it should be, even if that kind of pain and loss still doesn't make any sense.

    The Joni Journey

  5. I’m sorry you went through this! I recently went through an ectopic myself and it ended up with me needed emergency surgery that also resulted in losing on of my fallopian tubes and we were told I may never have another child. I feel for you! Your family is beautiful!

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