The Definition Of Insanity
They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
So maybe I’m insane.
You always hear about the “terrible twos”
Everyone talks about the “trying and terrible threes”
But, what you never seem to hear about are the(what I like to call) ferocious fours.
We actually never really dealt with terrible or trying twos and threes. Abigail has always been a sweet, gentle and obedient little girl. She was always motivated to obey just at the mere warning of discipline.
Not that we thought we were winning at this thing called parenting. We realize that it was just her personality. She wanted to obey- or, rather, she didn’t want to be punished, so she did what she was told.
And then something switched in year four.
I don’t know when, or why, or what, but four year old Abigail has been so, so trying. Hard. Really hard. And having Mabel seriously ramped it up.
Testing boundaries constantly, bad attitudes, tantrums, and more. All things that we’ve never dealt with before and make me feel like I’m lost in a forest without a compass.
Or treading water…poorly.
Or perhaps sinking in quicksand.
So Jim and I just keep plugging along at parenting and loving her as much as we can the best way we know how. Over and over again- but still the bad behavior continues and we don’t know if it’s one of those phase type things or one of those long term you don’t get to see the results for a while type things.
How can any of us know if we’re doing it right?
I haven’t ever had any thoughts or reservations about going from a family of three to a family of four. We waited so long for Mabel that the family dynamics changing was one I welcomed with open arms. And yet, the other day I was realizing that I hadn’t changed any of the pictures in the frames on our walls around the house. They’re all photos of just the three of us. And looking at them, I felt kind of sad and wistful.
Because that was back when Abigail was my buddy. And so sweet and happy and fun. And we did everything together just the two of us. Just enjoying each other. And when I think about how things have been with her, especially since Mabel arrived- I just see and feel how stinking hard things have been. It made me not want to change out any of the pictures.
Okay,
So all of that to say, last week we were at the beach. And there was a definite change in Abigail’s demeanor. It’s not perfect(who’s is?) but I keep seeing big glimpses of my girl and the beautiful person that she is and the girl she is growing into.
I hear her sweet voice using her manners so politely. I see her sweet heart being the best big sister I’ve ever seen. I feel her gentle and unrelenting hugs that let us know how much she loves us and how much she still needs our presence close. I have so enjoyed playing with her and not having it ruined or having to stop by a choice she has made. I have loved listening to her stories and her ideas without having to reprimand her for what she says.
And, I think, that maybe, just maybe we haven’t been so crazy after all.
Maybe, these hard hard months are finally starting to turn a corner, and that the beautiful, growing girl that we’ve created is blossoming into something new. More grown every day. And more lovely altogether.
Have you gone through a trying time with your child? Any advice?
Ah, I hurt for you, girl! Eli was a quiet, easy tempered kid up until a few months ago and since then it's been hard. He scoffs and laughs at the promise of discipline and it's hard to keep pushing on each day! I'm glad that it seems she is turning a corner!
Love how vacation brings out the best in everyone. Liam has always been like Abigail, such a people pleaser and just so sweet! Three has thrown us off a bit. We are going through a huge not listening phase. Too often I say "if not this, then this" and it's not how I want to spend our days. Hopefully it is short lived for everyone.
You took so many words right out of my mouth. I have a post in the works that is eerily similar to the words you've written.
Two was so easy for us. Three was pretty good, and then a switch was flipped. Probably not so coincidentally when Julia arrived.
Hang in there, momma. You're raising those two little ladies just beautifully.
I can see how even though the newborn stage is really tiring and stressful, it gets crazy later on because they start to talk and argue! Sounds like you guys are doing the right thing and she'll be just fine. She sure is a beautiful little girl.
Oh I feel you, Courtney! But mine was most definitely from 3.5-4.5; screaming tantrums, hitting, it was so sad and disruptive. And then I realize alot did have to do with adding a baby to the mix. As much as we prepare them it still doesnt come close to the reality of siblinghood (pretty sure I just couned that word lol) But a year later and the fits are fewer and farer between and my sweet, smart, funny girl has returned. Being a parent is insanity but would we really have it any other way?
Honestly, I wish I had advice for you. Not only do I only have one, but he acts like Abigail used to. And I'm not trying to say that to brag, but to just tell you that I feel for you and hope that her bad attitude is short lived and sweet Abigail comes back soon. Maybe she just needed a little vacation and time away to flip the switch back? Hoping the good behavior is here to stay!
Oh Abigail!! This sounds like it's been a tough road for y'all, but I'm excited that you're starting to see glimpses of your sweet girl again. It seems as though all kids hit a rough patch where they've just got to work through their feelings and nothing you can do makes it immediately better. Change is tricky for everyone and i think you're right to point out that each season of life has its blessings. One day you'll look back and giggle about this because it'll seem so far away and your girls will be besties. Good luck!!
hugs upon hugs. The same thing has been happening at our house too. I saw a big difference in attitude once Ella was born. Katie really is such a wonderful big sister and LOVES Ella but she isn't so fond of the less attention and therefore I think she acts out to get more attention…even the wrong type of mommy & daddy's attention. She can have extremely sweet and "my old Katie" moments and then 10 minutes later it's like "hey where'd my kid go?" lol. All this to say, at least it's normal I assume. All part of adjusting… and I guess as mamas all we can do is pray, talk, discipline and correct those rough moments & continue to disciple them. Oh…and eat chocolate. Because chocolate always helps. ??
hugs upon hugs. The same thing has been happening at our house too. I saw a big difference in attitude once Ella was born. Katie really is such a wonderful big sister and LOVES Ella but she isn't so fond of the less attention and therefore I think she acts out to get more attention…even the wrong type of mommy & daddy's attention. She can have extremely sweet and "my old Katie" moments and then 10 minutes later it's like "hey where'd my kid go?" lol. All this to say, at least it's normal I assume. All part of adjusting… and I guess as mamas all we can do is pray, talk, discipline and correct those rough moments & continue to disciple them. Oh…and eat chocolate. Because chocolate always helps. ??
hugs upon hugs. The same thing has been happening at our house too. I saw a big difference in attitude once Ella was born. Katie really is such a wonderful big sister and LOVES Ella but she isn't so fond of the less attention and therefore I think she acts out to get more attention…even the wrong type of mommy & daddy's attention. She can have extremely sweet and "my old Katie" moments and then 10 minutes later it's like "hey where'd my kid go?" lol. All this to say, at least it's normal I assume. All part of adjusting… and I guess as mamas all we can do is pray, talk, discipline and correct those rough moments & continue to disciple them. Oh…and eat chocolate. Because chocolate always helps. ??
I've heard about the "F" Fours and that's got to be tough. I think every age brings on new and challenging things…unless it gets really bad I think just plugging along. Although I have had this happen with my students over the years and sometimes they just need a refresher of the "rules and expectations" for behavior and I had to be extra tough and super consistent for s few days and that got them back on track.
Good luck and I know that Abigail is a fantastically beautiful and kind hearted girl. Just know it's a phase and you are doing a great job!
Oh girl, I feel for you! I took Waverly on a date the other day with just us two and it did make me a little sad that we can't do those things so often anymore. Waverly has always been a sassy little thing, sister or not, haha, but hang in there! You are a great mama!
oh i completely relate!!! maybe it's just the new sibling that pushes them into a phase of testing boundaries and almost *asking* for punishment, because we've hit that at age three! and i am like you, i am nothing but absolutely thrilled to have a new bundle of joy in our fam!!! but i totally have had moments of longing for the just me and her best friendship! and at the same time i feel guilty that my second born doesn't get that at all!
Ohmygosh YES. I thought I was the only one! Miss Hannah was EASY peasy for 3 whole years and this summer she turned four… And turned into a different child. I seriously shed tears over it. Sass, and fits and attitude and whining–where is my sweet compliant little girl?! She seems to be handling the addition of baby brother pretty well, but I'm so frustrated when I planned on relying on a big-girl helper and now have an emotional mess. ?
Ok. BEST VACATION EVER!! I love it! So much fun in the sand sun and pool!