12 Years

12 years on Sunday.️

I felt called to post a smiling and happy photo of us + a totally raw and honest post, because, man. You guys have been following our family and our story for years and you know. You know that in year 9 we almost didn’t make it. We fought about custody and separation and I had to think about getting a job and putting Abigail in school and I’m positive we couldn’t have hated another human being more if we tried.

That’s where we were. But that’s not where we stayed. And I want the hundreds of you who message me and let me know that your marriage is hurting and failing and you feel like it’s just you because NO ONE ELSE is talking about it and it’s all just smiles and perfect poses, I want you to know that IT ISN’T JUST YOU. You are not alone in this.

This is so far beyond cliche “marriage is hard” quips and jokes about balled up socks on the floor and nagging wives. It’s deep down, painful, raw wounds that can only come from being hurt by someone you love and trust so infinitely.

Of course, every marriage is unique. Every story is different. And they all require different care and have different outcomes- but if you need some hope today. If you need to know that it doesn’t have to be the way that things are right now- let me offer that to you.

We couldn’t have been worse. And today we are happy. We didn’t get lucky. And time alone didn’t heal it. We worked and we worked and we worked some more. And God redeemed and restored and bound up painful hurts. (if you need further inspiration, go check out @lysateurkert’s page as well)

So cheers to 12 years, babe. We’re doing it.

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  1. Love that you did the work! Marriage is so not easy. I’m thankful to have a husband unwilling to walk away because I feel certain there have been multiple times in our 17 years when I would have let it all go.

  2. Beautiful family photo of you all. Happy anniversary! I’ve watched multiple friends go through divorce the last few years, unfortunately. I’m sure your story is an encouragement to so many.

  3. I knew back then, or I assumed, that something like this was going on and that’s when I emailed you telling you I was praying (cuz I was and still am). I was living it-vicariously thru my parents. After their 38 years, seeing what I thought I believed in fall apart… I was hurting with you, just not the same as you.
    I am so grateful you guys put in the hard work. My parents didn’t and I became a statistic. But I knew then and know now that you guys have something solid and despite it all, choose God, Eachother, and your Family daily.
    I adore your open heart. Thank you for always sharing and HAPPY 12TH YEAR TO THE TWO OF YOU!!

  4. Happy anniversary! Here’s wishing you many more together.
    You’re absolutely right, marriage isn’t all butterflies and cotton candy. Me and my husband have been married 16 years. The first ten were super hard. We just started learning to love, really love, each other over the last six years.

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